Eating Disorders and Grief

How Feeling Unloved Suppresses My Appetite

I’m losing weight.

I’m not unhappy about this because I’ve been carrying a few extra pounds and shedding them would allow me to fit comfortably into all my clothes. It hasn’t been a great enough concern for me to tackle in a conscious way, other than increasing my step count.

I am unhappy about some recent and upcoming changes in my life. Which is helping with the weight loss. By turning off my hunger.

When I feel unloved, I stop eating.

I don’t do it on purpose. It’s unconscious.

My body decides it deserves less food when people turn their love away from me.

I stop feeling hunger.

I associate food with love. I have always wanted to have an abundance of both in my homes.

I think both food and love were periodically withheld from me as a child. Especially when I behaved in ways that were unacceptable.

When people take their love away from me, I stop eating.

Because my body stops feeling hunger.

Conditioned for starvation to follow whatever bad behavior caused love to be taken away.

My f…