Eating Disorders, Grief, and Poverty

How and why they often intersect.

My father loved bread and potatoes. Not entirely consciously, I swore them both off for much of my life.

Both my parents loved sweets. Probably because they were both denied them.

I rejected sweets as a rejection of their weakness. To show myself I had more control.

I rejected the things I wanted most. To try to remove their power over me.

When I feel most afraid and alone, I am tempted to eat bread, potatoes, and sweets. Maybe to feel closer to my dead parents?

For years I would then immediately throw them up because I didn’t feel like I deserved them.

Because I inherited my parents’ food trauma. As so many of us do.

Inheriting our parents’ food trauma leads some of us into eating disorders and others of us into careers as chefs. Some of us become chefs with eating disorders. Some of us become chefs to heal our eating disorders. Some of us become chefs to feel closer to our dead parents.

Food is love.

Food was scarce at times in my childhood. Food was scarce at times in my parents’ childh…