How Did I End Up Living a Life Gripped By Fear

It’s just my childhood catching up to me.

Facing fears takes time and energy. I’ve devoted a lot of the past decade to it. I am tired and feel like I don’t have a lot to show for my hard work.

But that’s when I compare myself to people who haven’t spent the past decade facing fears.

Some people face fear every day. I know a little about what that feels like. It’s why I am addicted to facing my fears. Because I grew up facing fear.

It was worst in the first four years.

We lived in an impoverished camp of ramshackle houses prone to flooding. Our best option with the too little money from my dad’s job mining coal.

We had a guard dog, supposedly part-Doberman, to ward off intruders. My parents kept a shotgun under their bed that I knew how to use. (I wasn’t supposed to, but my big wide eyes saw a lot.)

My father was attacked four times roughly a month apart leading into the summer of 1978 by groups of men unhappy with his political organizing to bring change in the mines. Then one hot summer night in August our nextdoor neighbor,…