How Do You Release Grief?

People like to tell me I do things wrong.

When my mother died when I was 25, my then-best friend told me I wasn’t grieving properly. She used that as justification to not be there for me.

It hurt. A lot.

Especially because she made a big show of being very present for her other best friend, whose dad died around the same time.

The friend whose dad died quit her job and went on a cruise with her mom and brother. That was considered grieving properly.

I could not afford to quit my job or go on a cruise. I kept working at a job I hated where I had no support or guidance, not earning enough to cover my NYC rent, student loans, and therapy. A therapist I was seeing also told me I wasn’t grieving properly because I couldn’t afford to come see her twice a week. So she refused to see me at all.

If anyone around me had given me financial support instead of criticism, I might have avoided a psychotic break. Instead, I was shamed for bringing the psychotic break on myself.

Because I couldn’t afford to quit my job, go on a cruise, and pa…