Leaning into My Core Wound

Being abandoned and rejected by loved ones for having needs.

I feel unsafe, unloved, and unprotected.

Because I used my voice to say stop hurting me, and everyone I said it to hurt me more. Because people who cannot face their own bad behavior are outraged when you confront them with it.

Meanwhile, most everyone else looked away and left me to fend for myself. They did this when I was a toddler, too.

I am crying every day now.

Because Palestine feels personal.

Because I know what it’s like to have people turn away when you need them most.

When you have no one else. When you’re being abused by someone with more power.

I’m not sure which hurts more. Feeling unsafe, unloved, and unprotected or knowing I’ve felt this way my whole life but just didn’t have the courage to face it.

Much of my life people have turned away when I needed them most.

Connected to why I am too terrified to trust people and repeatedly surround myself with people who let me down.

Because it feels familiar. If I pick people I know will let me down, I’m better prepared when they…