My Grief Triggers Others' Grief

It comes at me in a range of ways.

I wasn’t sure what exclusive weekly content to offer my subscribers here on Good Grief. And then it hit me. I can share what sharing my grief brings out in others.

Because it is not always pretty and can be kind of hard to handle in the midst of grief.

And yet it will definitely come at you.

Because sharing grief makes others feel grief.

And not everyone is skilled at communicating through grief.

Many want to get as far away from it as they can, leading them to blame, shame, and distance from those who show up in their grief.

It’s not their fault. It’s a capacity thing.

They are terrified their grief could drown them if they open up to yours.

Seeing you in yours makes them start to feel their own.

Which is intolerable.

So they try to shut it down.

We all have times in our lives when we can’t tolerate another person’s grief. Based on how much grief we feel ourselves. I have had less capacity for others’ grief these past few years because I have been so engulfed by my own. I do understand this.

Unfortunately, some people struggle to ever tolerate anyone else’s grief. Or even acknowledge it.

I see these issues coming up in online communities and IRL.

On Substack, a new Notes feature offers some of the functionality of Twitter. Substack didn’t intend to moderate it. Which puts vulnerable people at risk of abuse by bad actors. When Notes launched, Substack was of the opinion it was the responsibility of individuals to block anyone who harasses them.

Leaving individuals having to block people who repeatedly harass them.

Leaving people repeatedly harassed for writing words. Leaving people not feeling safe writing words. On a platform that’s supposed to be this radical new exchange for writers and readers.

I saw discussion of this unfolding in Notes earlier in the week but only paid passing attention. I have a tiny subscriber base and hadn’t experienced anything myself.

But I did pay attention. Good thing.